I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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