why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
