I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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