dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize