Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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