He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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