i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
