not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
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I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW