that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
