So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.