Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
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there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor