I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy