i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf