You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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