Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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