On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?