Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
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Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
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You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.