omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus