I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
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Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.