everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
