i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.