ADVERTISEMENT

• (757): View more from Virginia

  Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.

  Fav 2 778 1270

  share tweet
  

• (408): View more from California

  hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)

  (650): View more from California

  nah, i'm gonna grab some food

  Fav 122 5013 36697

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.

  Fav 12 1055 2310

  share tweet
  

• (818): View more from California

  Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"

  Fav 14 3144 976

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (602): View more from Arizona

  Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.

  Fav 128 1700 35717

  share tweet
  

• (514): View more from Quebec

  His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.

  Fav 44 10772 2184

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (210): View more from Texas

  This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".

  Fav 9 1259 3627

  share tweet
  

• (251): View more from Alabama

  Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.

  Fav 6 899 2366

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends

  Fav 3 817 678

  share tweet
  
• 

  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement

  Fav 2 691 1027

  share tweet
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help

  Fav 5 1046 615

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.

  Fav 5 763 531

  share tweet
  

• (707): View more from California

  He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.

  Fav 2 674 396

  share tweet
  

• (916): View more from California

  My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.

  Fav 0 620 421

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (917): View more from New York City

  Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.

  Fav 0 32 47

  share tweet
  

Randomize