All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.