Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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