I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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