Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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