there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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