apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
