well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
