You just made me feel so damn special
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
