very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I could make wine with my vomit
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
