Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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