that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
