Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
