yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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