Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
