he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
