That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
