Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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