I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
