I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He shit in the fireplace
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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