I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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