I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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