is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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