I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
