need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
