i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
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He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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