Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
3 2 1 whiskey
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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