This girl is more easily done than said...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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