I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
