How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
