So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
