Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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