my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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