I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
