She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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