she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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