Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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