I faked an abortion last night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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