I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The air was thick with penises
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
