Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
