pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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