OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
