Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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