Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
