Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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