Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
