Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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