matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
