oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
