Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Small penises have feelings too.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
