i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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