i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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