So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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