We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She told me I should be a condom model.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
