The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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