I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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