Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize