got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
