I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Randomize
