I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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