Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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